So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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