It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
