Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
