just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
