Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
