So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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