why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just forgot I was standing up.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
