What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
