I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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