Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
