my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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