I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
