New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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