As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
