I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
