once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
