a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
