if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
