I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
