its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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