My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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