Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
