I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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