My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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