last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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