not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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