Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
