he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
