Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
