wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
