Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
