Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
