In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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