Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just had sex on a roof
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
