someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
