I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
