Me too!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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