Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
