i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
