I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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