im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
