Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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