I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
