i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
