Sry I called you an 8
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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