Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
