You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
