Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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