he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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