There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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