Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
