You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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