I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
