I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
